


To The End Of The Smegging Universe

by Shibsky20



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: AU-End Of The Universe, Angst, Kissing, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Sad Ending, implied depression, minor fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22614094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shibsky20/pseuds/Shibsky20
Summary: Trillions of years into the future, the final black hole has evaporated, leaving the universe barren and empty. Cat is close to death after walking into a mirror, Kryten has been out of commission for years as he became obsolete, and Holly turned herself off to conserve power. But hey, it’s the end of the smegging universe, and there are feelings still left unsaid.
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

Darkness, paving the way to oblivion.

The final black hole had evaporated, leaving behind not even a trace of the rich life that populated its plentiful lands before.

They drifted aimlessly throughout the nothingness, with neither a goal nor destination– there was nowhere to go, and nothing to work towards.

‘Rimmer?’  
Things felt horribly barren in this matured universe. All the things he’d done was coming back with a vengeance; he’d never seen his son – otherwise known as himself, it was a bit of a paradox– grow up. He never had the chance to see Kochanski after their brief interactions. He never even had the chance to see Rimmer before he hid away in himself for eternity. ‘Rimmer, please come out of there.’

Cat was curled on his bed, still comatose after he accidentally banged his head against the mirror– he was so clumsy, now that he was the human equivalent to 109 (57 in Feline Sapien years).  
Kryten was out of commission, now reduced to a pile of rusting, miserable rubble tucked away in the depths of Red Dwarf.

The lights flickered, still holding onto what energy was left and illuminating his tears. ‘Rimmer, please.’  
He was shaking now, curled up beside Cat and watching him with protective intent. ‘It’s so lonely here.’  
‘Lister?’  
A sound that one could consider a voice resonated weakly behind him. He thought he was imagining things at first, but as soon as he peered over his shoulder, he saw him.

His aged, shapeless form flickered in and out of existence. The rage and self-hate he contained all these three million or so years –that had since been reduced to a mere discomfort with the direction his life took– had become obvious to the average person, with very prevalent wrinkle lines across his brow and the bridge of his nose.  
‘Oh, god, Rimmer!’  
He draped his useless arms around Rimmer’s neck, holding him close. ‘I’ve missed you so smegging much!’  
‘As have I, Lister.’ The voice was a little clearer now.  
He took a seat next to him, holding his arms in his lap and squeezing his knees together tightly. ‘So, what did I miss?’  
‘Well...’ it was hard to catch up– Rimmer had been gone so long, and Lister wasn’t getting any younger. ‘It’s hard to say.’  
‘Just tell me the highlights.’  
‘Well...’ he scratched behind his flaky ear, playing with his matted dreads. ‘Trappist-1 went supernova a few years back, and the gas got sucked up by a passing black hole.’ He hadn’t thought about that for years, he’d come to realise. ‘The last galaxy split apart, and recently, the last black hole evaporated.’  
The finality of all those statements were unbearably upsetting, so they let all that fall to the side.  
‘Right... anything else?’  
‘Well, Kryten went out of commission four years back?’ He focused all his attention into one spot on the ceiling, trying to remember how many years back it was. ‘Four? Five? It’s all the same to me.’  
‘Mhm,’ Rimmer nodded along, feeling a little dread despite being a quivering hologram.  
‘And Cat walked into a mirror thinking it was a doorway to another universe.’ All that was heard after that was a solitary chuckle between the two.  
‘I always told him when he was old he’d get all confused and walk into a mirror thinking it would make him young again.’  
‘Well, he was a naïve little smeghead, at the ripe young age of forty-two human years!’  
Another little chuckle. Not the kind that signalled something comical happened, but more of a nostalgic chuckle of times much better than now.

‘And, how’ve you been?’  
His form rippled in the flickering lights, not bothering to disguise the loneliness now permanently etched in his face.  
‘I’ve been...’ he didn’t want to admit his loneliness, but pretending like it didn’t happen wouldn’t make it disappear, either. ‘Ok, I guess.’ Despite his judgement, the former seemed better. Of course.  
‘You sure?’  
‘Yep,’ he nodded slowly, blinking back the tears that bathed his cheeks so many times before,’I mean, it got a lot more boring after everyone was gone, but, oh well. Nothing lasts forever, even if we want it to.’  
He didn’t say a word. Just nodded sorrowfully and stared at his hands.

Nothing could compare– quite literally, at that time– to the awkwardness that ensued. To be put simply, and in a rather cliché manner, you could cut the tension with a knife.

‘Rimmer, I—‘  
He seemed to brighten a little, quite literally; for a brief moment, his hologram stabilised.  
‘Yes?’  
‘I just really wanted to say, since any minute now, we’re probably going to be ripped apart by the expansion of space itself...’ he droned, quickly stopping himself before he got too into one point.

The universe waited with bated breath. ‘I just wanted to say, I really love you, Rimmer. More than words could ever describe. There is not one possible language out there that could even begin to contain the words I need to express how dear a place you hold in my heart, Arnold.’  
The tears that had sat back in his eyes finally decided this was their time to break free, and they dampened his cheeks like the uncountably numerous times before.  
‘I...’ his words were caught in his throat. ‘I love you too, Dave.’  
Warmth filled the room, and for another flicker of a moment, Rimmer’s hologram had stabilised.  
‘Please, don’t ever leave me again, Rimmer. If I’m going to die, I wanna at least die by your side.’  
The two were entangled as one. Far off, in the deepest crevices of the universe, a little spark, created by hydrogen and helium smashing together for a brief moment.

The makeshift wine –comprised of grape juice put through the soda stream for a second– was good enough for them.

Cat drew a final wheeze, before he was finally at peace.

Kryten’s arm crumbled to dust in the darkest crevice of Red Dwarf, still clutching his favourite broom.

Second Technician Officer Arnold Rimmer and Third Technician Officer David Lister were sitting in their old bunk.  
‘A toast, to the end of the smegging universe!’  
David raised his glass, giving Arnold a sad but hopeful smile.  
He smiled back, lightly tapping his glass against David’s.  
‘To the end of the smegging universe.’  
They took a final sip, and shared their first and last kiss.

Red Dwarf continued its pointless wander through the universe to find more planets to mine.

Atoms began to rip apart. The universe had finally grown up into the nothing that awaited it.

The epoch had gone.


	2. Hello! :D

Hello all!

I know this may seem stupid, but I was thinking of starting a short stories series on here, about (you guessed it) - Red Dwarf!  
I was wondering if any of you potentially had any requests for what I could write about?

Many thanks,  
Shibsky20 <3


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